Thursday, September 10, 2009


We've had a rough two days around here. I'm not sure what the root cause is. Is it that I worked all weekend and that sparked some anxiety? Is it the small cold that Max seems to have? Are his teeth bothering him (he's been biting on his stuffed animals a lot lately)? Is this delayed grief? Is the honeymoon period over? Is he just having a grumpy couple of days? I don't know, but we've both been miserable.

You might remember that Max bonded last and least to me while we were in China. I thought we had made some really good progress since we got home. He was coming to me to play and for hugs when he was hurt. Now, all of the sudden, it's like he wants nothing to do with me again. I'll hand him a snack and he'll refuse it. If Jason hands him the same snack two seconds later, he's elated. If he bonks his head, he'll cry and cry and he won't let me comfort him. If he doesn't get something that he wants, it's the end of the world. Basically, he's been fussing, whining, or crying most of the past two days with no obvious cause. And, the hard part, instead of mommy being able to comfort him, I seem to be making it worse. He's completely rejecting my attempts to make him feel better and these attempts actually seem to make him more upset.

I'm not sure what to do with this. First of all, I'm the only one home most of the day. Second, I'm not going to not show him love and affection. It just sucks to be rejected again and again. It makes me not want to try anymore (I know this isn't the answer, just how I feel). And, the crying/screaming/whining suck too. When he starts, it bugs Ellie who doesn't like loud noises, and often she'll start screaming back. It's giving me a headache. For right now, I'm just going with the perseverance method, but I'm open to suggestions. I figure that if I just keep playing the mommy role, eventually he'll get it and accept my affection. Until that happens, my wine consumption may go up. Costco, get your supplies ready.


  1. Hang in there - I promise it will get better. It took Sadie several months to open up to Scott. He thought the day would never come! :)

  2. Alexis, Sorry you're having a rough spell. I don't have any BTDT advice but what happens if it's just you and him and you don't comfort him - would a little reverse psychology work? Would he eventually come to you for comfort? Just throwing it out there.

    I would also hazard a guess that eventually the perseverance will work - sounds like maybe he's testing you after you were gone for a few days. So I'd probably keep holding him. I hold MeiLi thru her tantrums and crying spells and usually she eventually calms down. If not, at least she knows I'll be there no matter how nasty she is, which seems to be what they need to know.

    Does he have a transition object from China? Would that help? I'm sure you've thought of that already, though.

    Hopefully it's a short phase and he'll be out of it soon! Sending you a virtual cocktail -

  3. Alexis,
    I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. Hang in there, it will pass. I know it sucks right now because you love him so much.